Dining Etiquette Guide
Restaurant Dining Manners and Etiquette - Dinner Party Manners and Etiquette

Restaurant Dining Manners and Etiquette - Dinner Party Manners and Etiquette 
 

 
 

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Table manners play an important part in making a favorable impression. They are visible signals of the state of our manners and therefore are essential to professional success.

The point of etiquette rules is to make you feel comfortable, not uncomfortable.
 

Making Restaurant Reservations:

Restaurant reservations are like any other appointment. If you make a reservation, stick to it. Call ahead if you’re going to be more than 15 minutes late, and cancel as far in advance as possible if your plans change so that someone else can get a table. Some restaurants take credit card numbers to hold reservations and charge no-show fees.

How to use napkins: 

In a restaurant:

As soon as you are seated, remove the napkin from your place setting, unfold it, and put it in your lap. Do not shake it open. At some very formal restaurants, the waiter may do this for the diners, but it is not inappropriate to place your own napkin in your lap, even when this is the case.

 The napkin rests on the lap till the end of the meal. Don't clean the cutlery or wipe your face with the napkin. NEVER use it to wipe your nose!

If you excuse yourself from the table, loosely fold the napkin and place it to the left or right of your plate. Do not refold your napkin or wad it up on the table either. Never place your napkin on your chair.

At the end of the meal, leave the napkin semi-folded at the left side of the place setting. It should not be crumpled or twisted; nor should it be folded. The napkin must also not be left on the chair.
 

At a private dinner party:

The meal begins when the host or hostess unfolds his or her napkin. This is your signal to do the same. Place your napkin on your lap, completely unfolded if it is a small luncheon napkin or in half, lengthwise, if it is a large dinner napkin. Do not shake it open.

The napkin rests on the lap till the end of the meal. Place the napkin in loose folds to the left of your plate.

The host will signal the end of the meal by placing his or her napkin on the table. Once the meal is over, you too should place your napkin neatly on the table to the left of your dinner plate. (Do not refold your napkin, but don't wad it up, either.)
 

When to start eating: 

In a restaurant: 

Wait until all are served at your table before beginning to eat.
 

At a private dinner party:

When your host or hostess picks up their fork to eat, then you may eat. Do not start before this unless the host or hostess insists that you start eating.

How to use your silverware and dinnerware: 

Dinner Setting Photo by Replacement, Ltd.

Use the silverware farthest from your plate first.

Here's the Silverware and dinnerware rule:

Eat to your left, drink to your right. Any food dish to the left is yours, and any glass to the right is yours.

 Starting with the knife, fork, or spoon that is farthest from your plate, work your way in, using one utensil for each course. The salad fork is on your outermost left, followed by your dinner fork. Your soup spoon is on your outermost right, followed by your beverage spoon, salad knife and dinner knife. Your dessert spoon and fork are above your plate or brought out with dessert. If you remember the rule to work from the outside in, you'll be fine.
 

Use one of two methods when using the fork and knife:

  • American Style:  Knife in right hand, fork in left hand holding food. After a few bite-sized pieces of food are cut, place knife on edge of plate with blades facing in. Eat food by switching fork to right hand (unless you are left handed). A left hand, arm or elbow on the table is bad manners.

  • Continental/European Style:  Knife in right hand, fork in left hand. Eat food with fork still in left hand. The difference is that you don't switch hands-you eat with your fork in your left hand, with the prongs curving downward. Both utensils are kept in your hands with the tines pointed down throughout the entire eating process. If you take a drink, you do not just put your knife down, you put both utensils down into the resting position: cross the fork over the knife.

Once used, your utensils, including the handles, must not touch the table again. Always rest forks, knives, and spoons on the side of your plate or in the bowl.

For more formal dinners, from course to course, your tableware will be taken away and replaced as needed.

To signal that your are done with the course, rest your fork, tines up, and knife blade in, with the handles resting at five o'clock an tips pointing to ten o'clock on your plate.

Any unused silverware is simply left on the table.

General social and dining etiquette rules:

  • Arrive at least 10 minutes early unless otherwise specified.
     

  • Pass food from the left to the right.
     

  • Always say please when asking for something. Be sure to say thank you to your server and bus boy after they have removed any used items.
     

  • If asked for the salt or pepper, pass both together, even if a table mate asks for only one of them. This is so dinner guests won't have to search for orphaned shakers.
     

  • Set any passed item, whether it's the salt and pepper shakers, a bread basket, or a butter plate, directly on the table instead of passing hand-to-hand.
     

  • Never intercept a pass. Snagging a roll out of the breadbasket or taking a shake of salt when it is en route to someone else is a no-no.
     

  • Food is served from the left. Dishes are removed from the right.
     

  • Butter, spreads, or dips should be transferred from the serving dish to your plate before spreading or eating.
     

  • Never turn a wine glass upside down to decline wine. It is more polite to let the wine be poured and not draw attention. Otherwise, hold your hand over the wine glass to signal that you don't want any wine.
     

  • Always scoop food away from you.
     

  • Taste your food before seasoning it.
     

  • Do try a little of everything on your plate.
     

  • Don't blow on your food to cool it off. If it is too hot to eat, take the hint and wait.
     

  • Keep elbows off the table. Keep your left hand in your lap unless you are using it.
     

  • Do not talk with your mouth full. Chew with your mouth closed.
     

  • Cut only enough food for the next mouthful. Eat in small bites and slowly.
     

  • Don't clean up spills with your own napkin and don't touch items that have dropped on the floor. You can use your napkin to protect yourself from spills. Then, simply and politely ask your server to clean up and to bring you a replacement for the soiled napkin or dirty utensil.
     

  • Do not blow your nose at the dinner table. Excuse yourself to visit the restroom. Wash your hands before returning to the dining room. If you cough, cover your mouth with your napkin to stop the spread of germs and muffle the noise. If your cough becomes unmanageable, excuse yourself to visit the restroom. Wash your hands before returning to the dining room.
     

  • Turn off your cell phone or switch it to silent or vibrate mode before sitting down to eat, and leave it in your pocket or purse. It is impolite to answer a phone during dinner. If you must make or take a call, excuse yourself from the table and step outside of the restaurant.
     

  • Do not use a toothpick or apply makeup at the table.
     

  • Whenever a woman leaves the table or returns to sit, all men seated with her should stand up.
     

  • Do not push your dishes away from you or stack them for the waiter when you are finished. Leave plates and glasses where they are.
     

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Dividing or sharing the restaurant bill with others:

  • Always assume that if you’re dining in a group of more than 6 people (3 couples), that the check is going to be divided evenly among everyone.
     
  • When dining when other couples, If you know you’re going to ask for a separate check, tell the server before you order so that the process is simplified later.
     
  • Take into account any significant ($15 or more) price differences in orders. If someone only orders soup and everyone else orders 2-3 courses, it’s not fair to make them pay the same.
     
  • If there are a couple people not drinking alcohol while the rest of the group is, separate the beverage total to take this into account and don’t overcharge the non-drinkers.

Proper tipping etiquette in a restaurant:

At a restaurant, always leave a tip. Tips can vary from 15% to 25%. 

Waiter: 15% to 20% of the bill; 25% for extraordinary service

Wine steward: 15% of wine bill

Bartender: 10% – 15% of bar bill

Coat check: $1.00 per coat

Car attendant: $1.00 - $2.00


Remember that the amount you tip reflects the total price before any coupons, gift certificates, etc. Just because you get a discount, does not mean that your server did not serve up the full order.

If the owner of the restaurant serves you himself, you should still tip him. He will divide the tip among those who work in the kitchen and dining room.

 
 

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Specific food type etiquette guide:

Artichokes:  It is both proper and polite to pluck the leaves with your fingers, leaving fork and knife aside for now.

Pull off a leaf, holding it by the pointed end. Put the other end in your mouth and pull it between your teeth, scraping the length of the leaf (the edible portion of the leaves becomes greater as you get closer to the center of the artichoke).

Just before you get to the very center, leaves will become almost white with purple tips. Be careful of these leaves because their purple ends are prickly. When the leaves are pulled, you will be left with the base, the heart, crowned with a fuzzy patch. You have now reached the best part of all, the very reason for eating artichokes: the heart. Carefully scoop away the fuzzy stuff with your knife or spoon (though a properly prepared artichoke will already have the choke removed). With knife and fork, cut bites from the heart like pieces of prime fillet.

If you're provided with a dip such as a vinaigrette or mayonnaise, put a small part of the edible portion of the leaf in the dip and scrape with your teeth as directed above. Don't overdo it on the dip or you won't taste the artichoke.

Asparagus:  Most etiquette books say that you can eat whole asparagus spears, without a sauce, by picking up with your hand. However, if you do this at a restaurant or dinner party, you will draw strange glances.  Be safe and use your knife and fork to cut and eat them.

Avocado:  If the avocado is served in its shell, it is eaten with a spoon. If it is sliced on a plate or in a salad, eat it with a fork.

Bacon:  The rule is simply that bacon with any fat on it should be eaten with a knife and fork. If it is very crisp, crumble it with a fork and eat it with your fingers.

Berries:  Generally, eat berries with a spoon, whether they have cream on them or not.

Bread:  Break slices of bread, rolls and muffins in half or in small pieces never larger than one bite. Butter each bite at a time. Small biscuits do not have to be broken. It is never appropriate to cut a roll with a knife.

When the rolls are served in a basket, take one, and always pass the basket to your right. Place the roll on the break plate, which is located on the left side. Never tear your roll in half or into many pieces.

Use your own butter knife and the butter on your plate; buttering should be done on the plate or just above it.

Caviar:  To preserve the full flavor of caviar, scoop it out using mother-of-pearl utensils, and NEVER  use a metallic spoon metal oxidizes the eggs), which will create an unwanted (and pretty horrid) metal bite. If necessary use a wood or plastic spoon.

Don’t mush caviar up while you’re serving yourself or other, lift the spoon carefully. Caviar should be scooped from the container vertically from top to bottom to avoid crushing the egg.

If caviar is passed to you in a bowl or crock with its own spoon, serve a teaspoonful onto your plate. As the following accompaniments are offered, use the individual serving spoon in each to take small amount of minced onion and sieved egg whites and yolks, as well as a few lemon slices and a couple of toast points. Assemble a canapé to your taste with a knife, then use your fingers to lift it to your mouth.

If you're at a cocktail party or reception, where prepared caviar canapés are being passed on trays, simply lift one off the plate and pop it into your mouth.

When served caviar as an hors d'oeuvre, no matter how much you might be tempted by its luscious flavor. It's considered bad taste to eat more than an ample serving of about two ounces, or about two spoonfuls.

Chicken:  Chicken is eaten with a fork and knife.

Chips and French Fries: Chips are eaten with the fingers and French fries with a fork. Never pick up the whole piece and bite part of it off.

Clams and oysters in the half shell: Hold the shell with the left hand and lift the clam out using your oyster fork.

Crab, shrimp and lobster cocktails: These are eaten with a cocktail fork.

Crab/lobster claws: Cracked with a nutcracker, broken with the fingers and the meat taken out with an oyster fork.

Fried Fantail Shrimp: Picked up by the tail and eaten with the fingers.

Olives:  Generally, olives are considered a finger food. It is perfectly acceptable to pick up and eat an olive with your fingers. Remove pit with your fingers. If you prefer not to use the finger method, use a small fork to stab olive and remove olive from your mouth.

Depending on your dining situation, you can either choose to eat olives or leave them on the plate.  If you are on a job interview, don’t eat them. Also, in a highly formal dinner, don’t eat them.

Emily Post indicates that, where olives are part of a salad, they are treated like the rest of the salad and taken in by fork and the pit deposited on the fork to return.

Pasta or Spaghetti:  The perfect method for eating spaghetti or other long stringy pasta is to twirl it around your fork. Use a spoon to help if needed. It is also acceptable to cut pasta with a knife and fork.

Pineapple:  Use a knife and fork to eat fresh pineapple slices.

Potatoes: Baked potatoes are most often served already slit. If not, cut across the top with a knife, open the potato wider with your fork, and add butter or sour cream and chives, salt, and pepper. You may eat the skin as you go along. Don't take the insides out and put the skin aside (or take the foil off). Eat it by scooping out the insides bite by bite.

Risotto: Using a fork or a spoon, push the grains of cooked rice out slightly toward the edge of the bowl, eating only from the pulled out ring of rice. Continue spreading from the center and eating around the edges in a circle. This will keep the risotto hot as you enjoy your risotto.

Salad:  If you are served large pieces or a whole wedge of lettuce, cut one bite at a time, using the knife provided. If the salad is served before or after the main course, use the smaller fork. If the salad is considered the main course, use the entrée fork.

Sandwich: Small sandwiches, such as tea sandwiches or canapés, may be picked up and eaten with your fingers. Large sandwiches, if not cut in halve, should be cut with your knife before lifting and eating. Any hot sandwich served with a gravy requires a knife and fork.

Shish-kabob: Hold the tip of the shish-kabob in one hand and use the dinner fork to remove the pieces with the other. When all the food has been removed from the stick, place it on the side of your plate. Always eat the meat with your utensils.

Soup: Dip the spoon into the soup, moving it away from the body, until it is about two-thirds full, then sip the liquid (without slurping) from the side of the spoon (without inserting the whole bowl of the spoon into the mouth). It is perfectly fine to tilt the bowl slightly (again away from the body) to get the last spoonful or two of soup.

Sushi: Sushi is served in bite size pieces. You can eat sushi using your fingers, chopsticks or a fork. Never bite pieces in half as they are meant to be eaten whole. Sushi is usually enjoyed by dipping into soy sauce or other condiments in your own small saucer.

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